If you answer “yes” to any of these questions, you might be abused. You and your kids could be in danger.
Does your husband or boyfriend hurt you with words?
- Does he insult you and make you feel worthless?
- Does he put you down in front of other people?
Does he hurt you physically ?
- Does he push, slap, hit, punch, kick, choke or beat you?
- Does he hurt you during sex or make you do sexual things you don’t want to do?
Is he in charge of everything?
- Does he tell you who you can and cannot see or talk to?
- Does he control all the family’s money?
Does he scare you?
- Does he lose his temper, get very jealous or break things?
- Does he threaten to hurt you, the kids, pets or himself?
You are not alone.
You are not to blame.
You did not “ask for it”
You do not deserve to be abused.
There is help.
If your husband or boyfriend abuses you, it hurts your kids too.
Abuse sometimes starts or gets worse when you are expecting a baby.It can make you loose the baby. It can also lead to infections, bleeding, anemia (low blood) and other health problems for you and for the baby.
If you are abused while you are expecting, your baby is more likely to be smaller than it should be. Babies who do not weigh enough when they are born are usually sicker. They may also have disabilities.
Most men who hit their partners also beat their kids. Some also sexually abuse kids. It is bad for kids to have a father who beats their mother, even if he doesn’t beat them. They are usually sick more often, don’t sleep well and feel angry, guilty, afraid and scared.
You and your baby do not deserve to be treated this way. You have a right to be safe. Help is there for you.
Where you can get help
You can get help from the places listed below. They will keep secret the things you tell them.
Legal Aid has domestic violence advocates (such as The Avalon Center) who can help you and your kids be safe. They can help you with safety planning, getting Orders of Protection and even go with you to court. They can help you get child support and custody and tell you about other places that can help. Sometimes a Legal Aid lawyer can even help you get a divorce. You can call Legal Aid for free at 1-800-238-1443.
Support groups give you a chance to talk with other women who have been abused by their husbands or boyfriends. It can help you feel less alone and you can share ideas and information on safety.
Many programs have counseling and support for kids to help them understand what is happening. It gives them a chance to talk about their feelings.
Police can help get you and your children to a safe place in an emergency.
Family and criminal courts can help by ordering him not to bother you or by deciding custody, visitation or child support.
Most counties have shelters and safe homes where you and your children can stay and get help.
Hot-lines are numbers where you can call and talk to a counselor by phone. Counselors will give you information, or just listen. They will also tell you places near you to call or to go for more help, if you want it.
The Avalon Center offers a free, safe and confidential shelter. You can call our 24-hour crisis line at 1-800-641-3434.
You are not alone.
You are not to blame.
You did not “ask for it”
You do not deserve to be abused.
There is help.